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Monday, March 22nd, 2010
11:27 pm

I miss those blue eyes, how you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep
Like there's no sunrise, like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you what I should have said
No, I never told you, I just held it in

And now I miss everything about you
I can't believe that I still want you
And after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you without you

I see your blue eyes every time I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to when I'm not around you
It's like I'm not with me

But I never told you what I should have said
No, I never told you, I just held it in

And now I miss everything about you
I can't believe that I still want you
After all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you without you

But I never told you what I should have said
No, I never told you, I just held it in

And now I miss everything about you
I can't believe that I still want you
After all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you without you

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

[ 4 lil' fishies | here fishy, fishy ]

11:27 pm

I miss those blue eyes, how you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep
Like there's no sunrise, like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you what I should have said
No, I never told you, I just held it in

And now I miss everything about you
I can't believe that I still want you
And after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you without you

I see your blue eyes every time I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to when I'm not around you
It's like I'm not with me

But I never told you what I should have said
No, I never told you, I just held it in

And now I miss everything about you
I can't believe that I still want you
After all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you without you

But I never told you what I should have said
No, I never told you, I just held it in

And now I miss everything about you
I can't believe that I still want you
After all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you without you

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

[ here fishy, fishy ]

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009
4:16 pm
Day by day, we let love just walk away,
And I'll be the first to say,
I was glad to see it go and day by day,
Ever since you went away,
I'm finding I'm still missing you,
And I just got to know.

Does that blue moon,
Ever shine on you,
I wanna hold you close to me,
And feel just like it used to be and
Baby, if you feel like I do,
You can come to me,
Does that blue moon,
Ever shine on you?

On my mind, you were right there all the time,
I could search and never find someone,
That does me like you do,
Here's the part, where I'm giving you my heart,
I was a fool to let you go,
Girl I just got to know.

Does that blue moon,
Ever shine on you,
I wanna hold you close to me,
And feel just like it used to be and
Baby, if you feel like I do,
You can come to me,
Does that blue moon,
Ever shine on you?

Night after night, I look to the stars,
Wondering where you might be,
And I've thought to myself,
Is that very same moon,
Shining on you like it's shining on me?

Does that blue moon,
Ever shine on you,
I wanna hold you close to me,
And feel just like it used to be and
Baby, if you feel like I do,
You can come to me,
Does that blue moon,
Ever shine on you?

[ here fishy, fishy ]

Thursday, February 22nd, 2007
8:05 am - eh, it's been awhile
my birthday is in two days... i feel like i'm getting old!
we celebrated yesterday by going out to dinner at johnny carino's mmmmm then we went to bryan and kasie's house to open presents and eat cake... it was good times but i couldn't stop thinking about the fact that mom wasn't there to celebrate it with us... and here i go crying just thinking about it... *sigh* anyway...
i got a 7 piece luggage set from dad which will come in handy for mine and patricia's trip to new york in may... erika bought me a nintendo wii game(call of duty 3) and a flash drive that she ended up taking for herself because i won't use it... bryan and kasie got me a ninendo ds game (nintendogs) and patricia got me a new digital camera that kicks ass! i want to go take pictures with it but i'd like it if she went with me! along with the camera, she got me a case for it and a 2 gig card for it....
so i made out like a bandit as always!

just some quick catching up....
started working at VECC in december of 2002
we bought our house in september of 2003
5 year anniversary feb 8th of 2006
florida trip march/april 2006 (disneyworld, universal studios, islands of adventure park, animal kingdom, sanibel island and the dolphin cruise)
work, work, work....
school, school, school....
baby kori was born in umm september 2006?
mom passed away on november 6th 2006 while in indiana... the story can be found on her livejournal site (www.livejournal.com/users/nevverknow) if you feel like reading...
with the money mom left me i decided to take patricia to new york as her christmas present from me and mom - we're going on may... gonna do all the touristy shit (empire state building, statue of liberty, chinatown, little italy, central park, ellis island, times square and so on and so forth)... we also bought tickets for RENT, blue man group and STOMP... it's going to be fun as hell!
i also got lasik done with some of the money as well... (feb 12th)
and i get the joys of going to physical therapy several times a week because the doc thinks i may have damaged my ACL in my knee and he thinks he might need to do surgery on it... fun stuff, i know!
and after this semester of school, i only have 2 classes left until i can finally get my 2-year degree! lol
that pretty much catches up the past 3 years in a nutshell lol j/k there was A LOT more i could have listed, but those were the highlights

i'm hoping to write/type on here a little more often... not that anyone reads it, but i can pretend!

current mood: accomplished

[ here fishy, fishy ]

Monday, March 7th, 2005
4:42 pm
wellllll
we didn't do anything for kaitlyn's birthday yesterday, HOWEVER, we are going to do something tonight.... chuck e cheese, i believe...

i ended up going into work for 2 hours yesterday, which was probably one of the busiest two hours i've ever experienced at work.... south salt lake had a big ol' chemical spill, people were evacuated all over and yeah, it was a mess...but it was fun!
i also went into work today for six hours.... i sat on south salt lake again... but today was pretty boring! a couple of the guys told me that they were excited i was working the channel and asked if i was back for good....but that won't happen till the end of the month... i think we are all pretty excited for that time to come around! from the sounds of it, they aren't too happy with who is on the channel now...so it makes me feel good that they miss me! :D

patricia is still sleeping... she told me to wake her up around three, when i got home, but i figured what the hell...i'm not doing anything fun and don't really feel like doing much so i am just gonna let her sleep till it's time to go to kaitlyn's birthday thinger....

i'm gonna go play games now!

current mood: tired

[ here fishy, fishy ]

Sunday, March 6th, 2005
12:28 pm - i have such the nice girlfriend.....
tuesday night when i went to make my food at work, i pulled my fork outta the little thinger it was in....and there was a cute little note wrapped around it from patricia that said she loves me!
:o)
and then yesterday was patricia's little brother's wedding..and i could only get 4 hours of my shift covered lastnight...so i was supposed to work from 0300-0700, but patricia was way nice and went into work for me while i sleepyed
:o)
AND, she's gonna go work 14 hours today cuz we're poor as hell and i have lots o' medical bills from going to physical therapy 16 times to a place that ended up NOT being on our damn insurance....so i feel bad that my lazy ass is just sitting here on the computer and she's gonna go to work all night....SO, maybe i should call work and see if they have anymore OT available and go to work for awhile too!
that would be the responsible thing to do.... i was supposed to go play with my niece today since it's her birthday...but i guess we're not doing anything till tomorrow...so now i don't even have an excuse NOT to go to work... oh well...i'll have to call 'em


on a side note... i cleaned up the backyard some more today... picked up a lot of dog shit, cleaned up some of the branches from the bushes we started to cut down last fall... picked up rotten apples from the apple tree... picked up trash from the dogs taking shit out there....AND threw away a cooler of food that has been sitting on our deck for the past year and some odd months...when i threw it in the garbage can, the water spilled out of it, into the trash can...it was the WORST smelling thing i've ever smelled in my whole entire life! i seriously was gagging for about 5 minutes....and this is coming from a person who has been shit on by another person! anyway, it's a good thing i threw that out!

kay, i'm gonna go finish kicking mom's butt at literati! and to call work, of course!
ugh

current mood: lazy

[ here fishy, fishy ]

Sunday, February 27th, 2005
3:52 pm
I haven't written in this thing for what.... about a year and a half?!?!
guess i have nothing better to be doing with my time since i'm writing in it now.... i'm finding out that the internet gets boring and boringer as time goes on...is boringer a word? if not, it is now!

patricia is currently sleeping, she worked lastnight and i was a slacker and took the night off SICK...hehehe if they only knew!

the other day was my 24th birtheday....uh oh, i just realized it was my "special birthday" because i turned 24 on the 24th....oh well, nothing overly special happened, nothing special at all for that matter...i didn't even get a birthday cake so i could blow out my candles!!!! i can't even remember the last time i haven't had a birthday cake with my name and candles on it.... i think i've ALWAYS had a cake and enough candles for however old i turned....oh well! guess that's part of growing up, eh?
anyway, my dad took me 'n patricia to dinner for my birthday..him and his girlfriend, denise, gave me $150 and a cool light thinger, and fan with a cool light thinger....they are ummm COOL! hehee
bryan got me a dvd burner and some dvd thingers :o)
mary got me a new hat, which is good cuz i've been wearing my old hat for 3 years :o) it kinda stinks
patricia bought me an autism t-shirt that i wanted, an autism awareness bracelet, a charm for my charm bracelet that has the autism awareness ribbon...AND a REALLY cute ass charm that has a rainbow heart with our initials on it...it's so freakin' cute!!!

but anyway.... that was my 5th birthday i have spent with patricia, does that mean i can say we've been TOGETHER for five years?!?? hehe

it was really our 4 year anniversay on the 8th! the bestest four years of my life, and many more to come as far as i'm concerned! :o)

i had a good time yesterday, i got to spend some time with my sister, brother and his little girl....i went to erika's house and played with her dogs...her very own doggy and her police dog...she gave me some birthday presents and took me to lunch and we went to petsmart...THEN we met up with my bryan and kaitlyn and went to the Extreme Sports Center or whatever it's called and goofed around there for about an hour...then we went to some rope course thing down in provo...back to bryan's house where kaitlyn made my hair all pretty and her and i played some games and sang songs...it was fun! then i came home, called in sick to work! and then me 'n patricia played a couple games of rummicube or rummikube or somethin (erika got it for me for my birthday)

I've been somewhat productive today...guess that's what happens when you get plenty of sleep! lets see...i made me some breakfast, cleaned up dog shit on the side of our house(there was A LOT of it...YUCK!)...ummm threw out bags full of leaves that have been outside for the past year or so....ummm cleaned off the kitchen table, unloaded the dishwasher.....loaded the dishwasher, took a shower and now i'm here! my mom is going to come over and play games with me for awhile to keep me entertained...i think we might go shopping as well, but we'll see!

dogs are barking like crazy, guess i should go see what they are barking at

oooookay bye!

current mood: productive

[ 1 lil' fishy | here fishy, fishy ]

Sunday, February 15th, 2004
7:53 am
      
Marriage is love.

[ here fishy, fishy ]

Wednesday, December 25th, 2002
2:23 am
ummmm....
hi

hehehe


Happy Ho-Ho Day, number TWO!!!
I love you, Patricia!!!
Always, Forever

current mood: sleeeeeeeeeepy

[ 3 lil' fishies | here fishy, fishy ]

Tuesday, February 12th, 2002
4:22 pm
Friday was Happy ONE year to US!!! and I must say that it was a REALLY good day!!! I was sick....which kinda sucked....but Patricia sent me flowers while I was at work so of course that cheered me up A LOT!!! and then when I got home......I just sat around and waited for her to get home....she came home with a bunch of balllllooooons.....and a teddy bear and a WAY cute card :o)
we got ready and she took me out to this really good Italy food place.....it was WAY nice and the food was GREAT....then she took me to this place called Color Me Mine....er somethin like that.....and we painted stuff for eachother for our Happy One Year.....she painted me an airplane and I painted her a teddy bear bank.....we get to pick em up tomorrow....i'm lookin forward to that.....then we went out to my dad's girlfriend's house cuz her, my dad and my sister got us something for our Happy One Year.....they got us this basket that had a teddy bear in it....a card....a bunch of candy, chips and dip, drinks and 3 DVDs......so we made out pretty good!!! Of course I made out the best though cuz *I* have Patricia.....that's all I wanted and that's what I have!!! hehehe

Happy One Year, Dear!!!
I love you SOOOO much.....
thanks for a GREAT day!!!

I love you!!!
Always, Forever

current mood: content

[ here fishy, fishy ]

Thursday, December 6th, 2001
1:23 pm
well shit.....i haven't written in this thing for quite some time.....i guess i just don't have the time to write in here anymore....j/k....it's just cuz patricia had a lot of time off for the holidays so instead of sitting in front of the computer writing in here.....i've been spending time with her!!!

anyway.....since the last time i wrote...patricia and i went down to her grandma's on I think Dec. 14th....i dunno, it was awhile ago.....yeah, it had to be the 14th cuz my sister graduated from P.O.S.T. that day!!! Yay for my sister!!! she's now an official police officer in this great state of UTAH!!! so we went down there and exchanged Christmas presents with her grandma and step-grandpa.....we stayed the night and came back on the 15th cuz we had a Christmas party to go to at Jamie and Amanda's house.....the party was kinda lame....just a bunch of drunk people that I didn't know....what fun is that?!??

anyways....Christmas time came around....OUR first Christmas together!!! :o)
Christmas Eve I had to work till 5:30pm cuz I had to take Katie home....THEN Patricia and I went to my mommy's.....my brother, his wife and daughter.....my sister and my dad were all there.....we opened presents from my mommy and she opened presents from us.....we played games and ate snacks.....it was fun.....

Christmas morning we went up to my dad's in the morning for breakfast and opended presents from my sister, my dad and denise (dad's girlfriend)......I must say we made out REALLY good....we got a bunch of camping stuff which is nice cuz i wanna drag patricia up camping this summer!!! hehehe and I got a HUGE sheepskin from my dad....of course I'll share with Patricia just cuz she's a nice girl and I love her more than anything!!! it's way cool!!!.....anyway, after my dad's we went to Patricia's Daddy's house.....she got presents from them and I got a cool license plate border for my car that says *I can't even drive straight*......it was fun....we didn't stay there long though cuz we had to go to her mom's house.....we gave them presents....Patricia helped her brother put together his cool Harley Davidson LEGO motorcycle and I made lipgloss with her little sister......*crying* I guess that makes me fem....playing with lipgloss and all.......After that...we went to my brother and his wife's house....they made dinner and gave us presents....we got a couple DVDs and some turtle lamps....I don't know that Patricia is too excited about them but I am....cuz I like turtles!!!

And I can't forget everything patricia got me.....the DVD player, surround sound, DVDs, videos, candy, smelly stuff, a cool hat, a visor, way cool pants and Clifford slippers!!! That girl spoiled me sooooo bad!!! But really, I'm not spoiled.....i'm overly LOVED!!!

Anyway.....We also had our first *Happy New Year's to US!!!*......I slept....I fell asleep like around 9:30 or 10pm while Patricia was playing Silent Hill on the playstation....but she woke me up at 11something to watch the ball drop.....and say happy new year to eachother....then i went back to sleep.....what a party-pooper I am, huh?!?? DON'T ANSWER THAT!!!

Yesterday was kinda cool cuz Patricia and I went up to Park City....we walked around and ate dinner up there.....it was a lot of fun!!! cold, but fun!!! it was just nice to get to go out with just her and spend some time together....ALONE

but after that we went over to jamie and amanda's....we all went ice skating...oh yeah, mickel went too.....then we all went to ice cream....then we went home and went to sleep.....

today just sucks cuz patricia is working.....i think it's the first time she's been at work when i'm not in quite some time......it was soooo nice with her having that much time off for us to spend it together.....i still had to work....but we had all night together....it was soooooo awesome!!! She might get new hours at work....she'll find out tomorrow....I REALLY hope she does cuz then we'll have nights to spend together!!! I can't wait....I hope she gets it!!! Good Luck, Dear!!!

Anyway, i'm leaving now cuz i have more laundry to do......kay byeeee

I love you, dear!!!
Always, Forever

current mood: happy

[ 1 lil' fishy | here fishy, fishy ]

Wednesday, November 28th, 2001
7:06 pm
FOREVER
- The words -
(Edited by Martin van Dam, 20/02/1999)


If every word I said, could make you laugh,
I'd talk forever

I asked the sky just what we had,
It showed forever

If the song I sing to you, could fill your heart with joy,
I'd sing forever

Chorus:

Forever.. Forever..


I've been so happy loving you

chorus:

baby let me sing forever, I wanna be loved forever (2x)

Instrumental 1

Let the love I have for you, live in your heart
And be forever

Chorus:

Forever.. Forever..


I've been so happy loving you

Instrumental 2

If every word I said, could make you laugh,
I'd talk forever

Instrumental 3

Chorus:

Forever.. Forever..


I'll be so happy loving you


I love you, dear!!!
FOREVER!!!

current mood: happy

[ here fishy, fishy ]

6:53 pm
oh yeah.....i forgot to mention that my grandpa had to have surgery again yesterday cuz where they did surgery tore and he was bleeding on da inside......i haven't really heard anything else since yesterday......so we'll see what happens......

my mommy just called me and was tellin me about my grandpa some more.....yesterday when he got up to go to the bathroom there was blood on the sheets.....then all the way to the bathroom he dripped blood....when he got in there to go to the bathroom he yelled to my grandma to quick call the nurse.....grandma said he was leaking blood like some turned on a faucet of water.....she said she's never seen anything like it.....so the nurses quick called the doctor and he shoved his finger into my grandpa's stomach to feel around on the inside.....obviously it was internal bleeding....so that's why they did the surgery yesterday......and they found out that the cancer spread to one of his lymph nodes.....so they're gonna start him on chemotherapy.....and they also found a spot on his lung.....they're not sure what it is yet.....it might be cancer too :o(

so i guess it's a good thing we got out there when we did.....just in case he does take a big turn for the worse....*sigh*

kay, i'm leaving again

current mood: sad

[ here fishy, fishy ]

6:34 pm
we went to kansas on the 21st to surprise everyone for thanksgiving....we got there thursday morning and couldn't find my grandparents so we just went over to my cousin's house to wait for everyone to get there......when we got there my cousin told us that my grandpa was in the hospital.....turns out he had colon cancer.....so they did surgery and all that fun stuff.....it made for a boring trip cuz all we did was sit around the hospital....but dats okay cuz at least I got to see everyone. I'm sure patricia was bored silly being there......I know I was!!! Anyway, we got back ummmm tuesday morning like at 2am or so.....1:30am somewhere in there.....the drive home was kinda scary cuz the roads were WAY bad coming over all da mountains in colorado.....then this damn dear was walkin across the freeway....i swear we were like within six inches of hitting it.....it scared da shit outta me.....anyway.....i'm leaving now....

i love you, hun!!!
thanks for going to kansas with me
:o)

current mood: cold

[ here fishy, fishy ]

Sunday, November 18th, 2001
3:01 pm
patricia ended up getting everything to work on friday night!!! YAY!!! we went to see Harry Potter......I must say, I thought it was pretty good.....i'm not quite sure it was worth waiting an hour in line to see.....but it was GREAT going out with patricia that night......we spent most of saturday painting our soon-to-be living room....then we went to my dad's girlfriend's house and played this game.....and she gave us an early Christmas present which we played with for awhile......i made patricia wake up at 3am this morning to watch the meteor shower that was supposed to be a once in a lifetime deal......well it was cloudy as fuck here so we couldn't see shit......patricia saw 10 of em....which is more than she's seen in her whole life...so that was pretty cool....then we went back to sleep for a few hours 'fore i had to go to work......
*sigh*
i'm leaving now

I love you, Patricia

current mood: crabby, tired, bored..dats all

[ here fishy, fishy ]

Friday, November 16th, 2001
8:13 pm
*sooooo, this goes here.
this one, herrrre
and then, this goes to.....*

boy, is she busy or what?!?? hehehe

current mood: giggly

[ here fishy, fishy ]

8:08 pm
Patricia is soooooo cute.......she just got the DVD player to work and was all excited.....*I got it to work, I'm fucking cool* was her exact wording of it!!!
hehehe

I told her I wrote in here saying about how she's TRYING to play butch so she of course wanted to read it.....she came over here and sat down by me.....she read my little entry and laughed.....so she went back into our room to work on it some more.....lol
she had the little sign about the DVD player stuck to her ass.....it was sooooo cute....guess that just proves she's been hard at work, eh??

current mood: giggly

[ here fishy, fishy ]

8:01 pm
soooo, everyone knows patricia is playing butch TRYING to hook up my Christmas present

:o)

Yeah....of course she spoiled me which she shouldn't have......but dats okay.....I still love her!!! hehehe

but anyway....i just asked her if it worked....and she was like *I don't know, it ain't doin shit* LOL she's soooooo cute!!!
God, I love that girl!!! hehehe

she's still messing around with it trying to get it to work.....so we'll see if it'll work or not...hehehe now she's saying it doesn't work in our room......arghhhh!!! anyway, I'm leaving......

I love you, hun!!!
Thanks for my Christmas present!!!
:o)

current mood: dorky

[ here fishy, fishy ]

Monday, November 12th, 2001
4:18 pm
awwwwww......i have the BESTEST girlfriend ever.....i don't care what ya'll say cuz *I* have the BEST girlfriend!!!

she's soooooo sweet to me.....she took me up the canyon lastnight.....made a fire.....had candles......bought me a rose.....we ate dinner up there....had sparkling apple cider....just sat by the fire.....it was sooooooo cool!!! I had so much fun!!! Thanks, hun!!! I love you!!!

THEN, if that didn't make me happy enough......she took me to see Monsters Inc.

that movie was sad!!!
:o(
I ALMOST cried.....i got way teary-eyed and shit like that.....but it was a good movie.....

I must say that lastnight was ONE of the happiest days of my life!!!

I love you sooooooooo much!!!
thanks for a GREAT night

current mood: loved

[ 1 lil' fishy | here fishy, fishy ]

Tuesday, October 30th, 2001
8:20 pm
*sigh*

so the 25th was....i have to say the happiest day of my life so far.....

yeah, you guessed it....patricia bought me a ring and asked me to marry her and all that fun stuff!!! she got down on one knee and askeded me....it was soooooo cute!!!

I was sooooooo happy.....I was wondering if that day was gonna come any time soon or not....hehehe


so anyway.....this weekend was cool.....patricia carved pumpkins wif me on saturday....my daddy bought me a $130 kite.....so we flew that on sunday....it was fun.....i fell on my ass one time though cuz i was leaning way back to try to keep the kite in the air and then it crashed so i sorta tipped.....hehehe......
then we went up to midway for amanda's b-day party.....that was pretty cool....the place was way cool....we played games, ate and just sat around like always......
back to work on monday....it was the most boring day of work i've ever had......katie stayed in bed ALL day......i got her up at 4pm just cuz she was wet when i went in to give her her 4pm meds.....arghhhh.....so anyway, today wasn't much better either.....she stayed in bed till 1pm when i got her up again for the same reason......but she was in a pretty good mood the rest of the day......cept she was singing the BAD song early in the day.....oh well

kay, i'm leaving now so i can read patricia's little survey she just posted......

i love you
always, forever

current mood: drained

[ here fishy, fishy ]

Sunday, October 21st, 2001
4:17 pm
patricia bought a pair of ice skates yesterday.....so we went ice skating lastnight and then again today.....we just got home for that matter.....well, i just got home, she had to go back to work :o(

but dats okay, cuz at least we got to go again today.....AND, I have a lot of homework to do....sooooooo, it's kinda good she went to work.....otherwise i wouldn't have gotten my homework done......

kay......off to do homework now........byeeeeeee

i love you, hun!!!

current mood: blah

[ here fishy, fishy ]

Tuesday, October 16th, 2001
8:56 pm
hey hun.......i know it's been hard the past week or so.....i just want you to know that i love you more than anything and i know things will be fine......read these words to this song.....cuz i mean every single one of em......


I Swear
John Michael Montgomery

I see the questions in your eyes
I know what's weighing on your mind
But you can be sure I know my part
I'll stand beside you through the years
You'll only cry those happy tears
And though I'll make mistakes, I'll never break your heart

(Chorus)
I swear, by the moon and the stars in the sky
I'll be there
I swear, like a shadow that's by your side
I'll be there
For better or worse, 'til death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
I swear

I'll give you everything I can
I'll build your dreams with these two hands
And I'll hang some memories on the wall
And when there's silver in your hair
You won't have to ask if I still Care
Cause as time turns the page, my love won't age at all

I swear, by the moon and the stars in the sky
I'll be there
I swear, like a shadow that's by your side
I'll be there
For better or worse, 'til death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
I swear

I love you......always, forever
never forget that

current mood: peaceful

[ 1 lil' fishy | here fishy, fishy ]

Monday, October 15th, 2001
7:03 pm
have you ever said something to someone that means A LOT to you....and they took it the wrong way....er, not in the way you intended it....and then it was blown WAY out of proportion and no matter how many times you try to tell that person what you meant.....it just doesn't even seem to matter to them because they're sooooo upset about what you just said?!??

i feel like total shit.....i feel like i just wanna die cuz what i said really hurt someone that means A LOT to me and I feel like I just fucked up the best thing that has ever happened to me

i've cried the whole way here because of what i said and how i can see how that other person took it....i feel like she doesn't want me anymore....i feel like i can never make up for what i just said.....i don't know how many times i have said what i felt about this person and yet she still can't seem to understand what i'm saying is true.....i know i've fucked up a couple times and just now by saying some things that i shouldn't have....but i honestly don't mean them......or didn't even mean them in the way she took em.....but what can i do??

i mean, i love her to death.....she's the best thing that's ever happened to me.....now she's questioning whether or not she wants to be with me.....*crying*
i know what i want....and that's her...i want her more than anything in this world.....but now i don't even know if i can have it anymore *sigh* i guess that's what i get for being a total reject, huh??

she just seems to think that i would be happier with someone else.....i COULDN'T be happier with anyone else.....she makes me the happiest ever.....and i'm sooooooo sorry for some of the things i have said lately, but like i said.....i don't think she'll ever forgive me......i don't know what to do.....

i can't live without her.....she means the world to me, but yet.....now i'm thinking that she would be happier with someone else.....cuz i'm just dumb and can never say the right thing....and i'm just a shitty person......i feel soooooo worthless right now.....i feel soooooo alone.....i feel like i'm gonna lose everything by losing her *crying*

i'm leaving now.....

i love you, hun!!!
i'm sorry i'm so dumb....
i hope you don't hate me, but if you do it's totally understandable,,,,
i love you more than anything.....
i hope we can work through this and me being dumb....cuz i don't wanna lose you...you mean everything to me.....i can't be without you....EVER

current mood: sad, frustrated, alone, dumb...

[ here fishy, fishy ]

Sunday, October 7th, 2001
4:08 pm
this weekend has been pretty cool
:o)
friday night i had to go to the doctor to get blood drawn for when i was exposed to that chemical at my old work.......i swear to God that those people at that place had NO fuckin' clue what they were doing....
First, the nurse or whoever she was......medical assistant, I don't have a fucking clue....she poked me in the arm with a needle and started to get blood and then it stopped......so she was saying that i have small veins and what not but every other time i get blood drawn they can do it with no problems whatsoever......they always say *there's a good one*.....and they poke me and get all the blood they need.......so anyway....this lady said she didn't wanna poke me again so she had the doctor come in and draw blood.....wellllllllllll, he poked me in my right arm, cuz she poked me in my left.....and he didn't get a vein either!!! so he kept shoving the needle in further and further.....patricia said that the needle was in my arm like an inch and a half!!! arghhhhh!!! sooooooo, he poked me in my left arm......he finally got blood, but when he pulled the needle out he like twisted it funny and my whole arm hurt.....it sucked so bad........my arm still hurts for that matter....like when i straighten my arm i can feel something in there sorta pop....it feels like something is pulling apart in my arm where they stuck me
:o(

anyway.......so after that we went to dinner at the ska-sketti factory.......mmmmmmmm, it was soooooooooo good!!! heheheh.......then we went to the haunted forest......it was kinda lame, but it was fun to go with patricia!!! :o)

saturday, we went up to my dad's cuz his girlfriend bought us some t-shirts when they went to colorado......so we ate breakfast up there with everyone......then we all went up to snowbird and went up the tram and stuff........THEN, we came back home for awhile.....went to get lehi, went to the mall, went to jamie's, we all went out to dinner, then we all drove up to the haunted hollow.......there was me, patricia, lehi, diane, abi, mickel, aaron, jamie and amanda.......well, amanda got scared or whatever so jamie and amanda decided not to go in the haunted house so they drove clear the fuck up to ogden to just sit in their truck and do whatever while we all went through the haunted house.......it was fun!!! mickel was the best part cuz he was soooooo scared of like everything!!! hehehe it was fun
:o)

today we went grocery shopping and patricia spent a shit load of money on food for us since i'm flatass broke......what a nice girl, huh?!??

she's at work now.......and i'm gonna go run aj to her job for the day in like 15 minutes.....so i should find some shoes and socks, eh??

ooooooookay, i'm leaving now.....


I love you, hun!!! thanks for a WAY good weekend!!! I had A LOT of fun!!!
*kiss, kiss, kiss*

I love you.........always, forever!!!
hehehe
:o)

current mood: okay

[ here fishy, fishy ]

Sunday, September 30th, 2001
5:10 pm
i should write in this thing more often.......

anyway, this past week kinda sucked for me....monday i came home early from work cuz i was sick and just didn't feel like being there. So, I went to the doctor to see what was wrong and they said I have Bronchitis but they also did a TB test to see if I had tuberculosis cuz it was going around the school where some of our companies boys go to school. So anyway, I took tuesday off work.....i was planning on going to work on wed after i went back to the doctor to have them check my TB test. WELLLLLL, that came back positive.......i can't work if I have tuberculosis.....i was pretty upset and crying cuz i didn't wanna lose my job over that......so they sent me to the hospital to get chest x-rays to see if i was just exposed to it or if i actually had it......so once again i didn't work on wed or thursday because i had to wait for the x-rays to come back. Patricia went to the doctor on thursday so when we were there they gave me the results of my x-rays.......they came back okay so i was WAY happy.

It sucked being out of work and having to worry about having TB and all that, but it was great spending time with patricia cuz she took most of that time off work too to spend time with me.........nice girl!!! :o)

So I went to work on friday......afterwards we went to the circus with my mom.....that was way cool!!! We were on the 2nd row right off the floor, it was awesome!!! after that we went to denny's with my mommy.....then just came home and went to sleep....

saturday we went to silver lake, went to my daddy's......i made patricia dinner cuz I'M a nice girl!!! hehehe then we went to some benefit concert thingy for the firefighters in New York......that was cool......and sad all at the same time.....then we went to my sister's hockey game......well, it wasn't her game, but it was her team's game......she couldn't play cuz she hurt her shoulder......just watching them play makes me wanna be back out there playing with em......i gotta talk patricia into getting a new job so she can play too!!! hehehe

and so far today......we drove up butterfield canyon......went to the championship hockey game.......*our* team lost after a sudden death overtime, a shootout and then it went to a shootout where if they scored, we had to score or we lost.......well, their first player scored and ours didn't so they won........no big deal, it's just a game hehehe

we came home and patricia started looking online at hockey equipment to know how much it'll cost to start playing hehehe.......she came up with over a thousand dollars just for the equipment......but of course she wants everything to match and be all pretty....hehehe oh well........

then she went to work........and i did SOME homework.......why's school gotta suck so bad?!?? anyway, now i'm waiting for my mommy to get here cuz i'm running out to my brother's house cuz him and his wife are outta town in Cleveland.........*sigh* why can't I go to Cleveland?!?? i gotta come home and do homework after mom and i run out to there house.......*sigh*

sooooooooo, i'm leaving now........

I love you, hun!!!
*kiss, kiss, kiss*

current mood: busy

[ here fishy, fishy ]

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